Somehow the beginnings of some “thing going around,” hitting me today, has cleared my mind even though my body feels like crap.
One of my doctors told me that diabetics usually feel illness coming on earlier than healthy people, because their immune system is so delicate. Bingo. The last few days have been mentally dark, exhausting, plus the usual moving target situation with my blood sugar, except on the increasingly scary lower side. The “mentally dark, exhausting” however, on top of my body’s dance with external insulin, is what the big clue was. “Needing more rest!” – my body screaming to me, now I know exactly why. Fluids, and rest, and quiet.
Oh yes, mentally cleared too. I was going to start this category on Deliberate Distortion to house these goofy profile pictures I do now and then, with my face on portraits from long ago. I started this for fun, and you know what? I want to keep it for fun, not make it part of my portfolio, not compete in a group, not even entertain beyond the occasional thing where I tend to post this kind of profile pic. It was just an entertainment for me, and that’s what it’s going to remain. No pressure to perform, no boredom from performing, no pressure to entertain, no pressure, none, PERIOD.
Art is the only thing in my life that I do only for myself. The minute it starts to feel like a job or an obligation, I can’t stomach it. That’s not why I do it. I have enough of that in the rest of my life, I can’t afford to be entirely weary or I will literally die.
Now to heal so I can carry on with “the rest of my life.”