Status

COVID drags on. And a second impeachment of an amoral president whose congressional party, for the major part, refuses to condemn. More people dying because of his ridiculous and callous decisions. Today I had news of another colleague who lost a loved one to this serious disease.

All of this continues to be more and more depressing as we come closer to a year of abnormal and hermetic life. I wonder very much about the state of mind of any citizen who experienced and endured calamity on a nation-wide scale, never thinking I would be.

On a micro level, I continue my own battle to stay healthy. I think about how weary soldiers are at war, and I think about how, as long as I live, and unless a cure for Type 1 diabetes is discovered, my regular existence will be to fight to stay healthy until I die. I have been recruited into an eternal war against my own body’s “desire” to extinguish itself.

Sometimes I have days where I feel a burst of energy, and things seem possible again. And then my body decides to throw all my budding schedules to achieve out the window. Remind me who’s boss. Humiliate me.

And so it goes sometimes, and much of the time this year. I try to be patient with these obstacles. One has to swim with the current, fighting it is futile. Swim with it, or be broken. Acquiesce. Surrender.

If you don’t detach, you will continue to suffer.

But tomorrow, I will still dye my hair blue. And even paint my nails.

Because if the only option left for joy is to be a fool, then I will take it.