12/12/21

Peonies in December. Heavenly scent.

The air quality where I live is “Excellent” today. A rare thing.

Recovering from a cold. Yes they still exist, and are unpreventable.

I suppose this is two sentence paragraph day. Our noisy across the driveway neighbors who like to throw parties with loud music are back and at it again.

I seem to be teetering between doing too much and doing nothing. Then scolding myself in my head in Italian, something my mother used to say when we children made a mess: “Ma che cosa hai combinato??!”

It seems ridiculous when we live so long these years to already look at life as if facing death. What indeed have I done with my life these 54 years?

I read about a woman trapped in rubble after a devastating tornado. She thought “Well I’ve lived a good life, I don’t mind if I die.”

It’s weird but after I got Type 1 diabetes, I’ve had similar thoughts, especially since my children are no longer so little. Once I had aspirations, but I often just feel exhausted now.

Our culture is obsessed with trying to maintain youth. Apparently getting any sort of plastic surgery is starting to be talked about openly now.

Is old age and death the worst that can happen to a person in this day and age? Live hard, die young, rock ‘n roll will save the day, blip and everyone instead ends up saying “I wonder what they would have accomplished had they lived longer?…”

There’s a bird outside which sounds like a cicada. We didn’t have the great cicada awakening in L.A.

I need to walk outside. I’m tired and stay up too late every day to have some time away from duties.

I want to start a new movie but I need to clear my head first. My head is too foggy for some years now.

I’ll knit and play guitar, but not simultaneously. I’m putting “product” in my hair now but I dread going to a salon, as usual.

Is it wrong to not care about looking like I could run a marathon immediately? I’m not sorry that I really don’t care.

Yes I guess I’m a “mind” person and I need to control my emotions. It’s never not extremely embarrassing to weep in front of people.

Some days I’d like to just have an experience which takes me out of my world completely. I think it would be restful to stop thinking so much.

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