Today was an interesting day.

Worked on scattering my worries with work, tried to be in some zen zone with chores.

The sunset was long and brilliant.

We got together as a family and celebrated a birthday. It felt like the best of old times, even as we all get older.

I wonder if, in the march forward with breast cancer treatment, putting aside my own panic and allaying the worries of others who I need to tell, I’m heading for a crash.

On the other, usual incurable disease front, my blood sugar has been rapidly rising, after precipitously falling for a month. This affects my mentality, my anxiety, and my sense of time – I feel like I have lived years since my cancer diagnosis little more than a month ago, but I have had T1 diabetes since June 2010. The rise is probably normal, as the fall was, for this 10 month new lack of fertility in my life – but disappointing, since for some pathetic reason I thought maybe this up and down thing was ending on down. Why the hell did I hope for that? I hate this disease.

Then I rediscovered an app with grunge filters, and used it on a self-portrait. After watching Heathers.

Time to go to sleep.

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