And now, silence.

the last buds

From about mid-July to yesterday I finally broke what might be called karmic obstacles.

Above is just my clinging to the remains of life, a kind of hospice for flowers, saying goodbye while tenderly (neurotically?) caring for them till they’re obviously gone.

I must cling to my notions till they’re obviously gone too – in a way that perhaps awakens me violently. I don’t know why I do it this way, perhaps it’s my twisted notion of care, perhaps it’s my tendency to let things take their course in some circumstances when I’m extremely unsure of what to do. I know others like me. It’s not that odd. As long as you recognize when things have to be resolved that way because of your inability to cut off your pain, perhaps a fascination with pain, or some idea that you have to put yourself through pain, that the pain is going to come – so let it come and scream as it rips you apart.

Some of us perhaps must deal with certain things this way. It’s neither right nor wrong, it’s how you have to learn for yourself sometimes.